Los Locos
by mariXwic32
Summary: Mexico is such a wonderful place... but what happens when a bunch of asylum worthy South Africans get bombarded with characters from Naruto and have to deal with them as such!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Why... Hello? I notice you're reading this.**

 **How do I know?**

 **I don't**

 **Anyway, I've decided to remodel the silly adventures of Akiri and her crack-headed troupe so that it's much more enjoyable by my beloved readers. Also, because I'm redoing it, you might want to check out my new version of Mad People on fictionpress if you're interested as much. Also, because I love you guys so much, I will post this chapter and wait for reviews.**

 **Anyway, this story's name is Los Locos. I will be using a lot of Spanish in this fanfic and hopefully get some right translations when needed. I am using translations from Google Translate, so please give me some credit for doing that at least before consulting an unknown and foreign object to translate to you.**

 **You might notice that this story is more imaginative, if you have read my previous versions of Mad People before and found that it was too chaotic and impossible for one girl to have so much power. Now I have a better understanding about characters and sidekicks that complement their personalities or powers.**

 **Now that this is over, enjoy the first chapter of Los Locos! (Translations will be added next to Spanish in sentences.)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, my friend's ass or the Attack On Titan series, because I have never watched it and would like to.**

 **Warning: Why do I always add a warning? Oh that's right, because none of my stories are for people who don't know what the word 'fuck' means. There is definitely Language, Violence and Nudity in this story, so don't read it till you are sure you have your parents' permission, or else I will have to remove this story...**

 **Enjoy and review.**

 **Here's my favourite part of writing a chapter... ADDING A LINE BREAK!**

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THISISAWESOMEANDILOVETOTYPEWITHOUTUSINGANYGRAMMARBECAUSEIMJUSTTHATBIGOFANASSHOLESOYOOUGUYSCANACTUALLYREADTHISSHIT

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 **Los Locos**

 **Story start**

Waking up with a hangover from hell is definitely _not_ how Akiri Drackon wanted to spend the day after her eighteenth birthday. She didn't mind drinking; actually she is an alcoholic, seeing as she tries to get snockered every blasted weekend. No, waking up with a pounding head and aching muscles was definitely _not_ something good; Akiri's friends learnt that that specific morning.

Stumbling out of the large four poster bed, Akiri noted another living creature on the other end of her bed, fast asleep. She paid no heed to it; thinking it was Akuto or Ichibi, one of her annoying friends, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Freezing, Akiri took in the scene in front of her, and it wasn't what she had had in mind.

Akuto, red and white hair thanks to an experiment of her own doing gone wrong, and with a bright blue left iris and deep green right iris, was hogging the kettle. Her pale skin caused her to blend in rather well with the surroundings. Trying to get to the most recently boiled hot water, Ichibi with brown hair and orange highlights thanks to their other friend Momo's undoing, golden yellow eyes that dart around uneasily when Akiri, the leader of the group of mad people, known to the school as Los Locos, or in plain English, The Crazy People, walks in to the room.

The best thing, other than having more pure blood Mexicans in your school, is that because of that, a school in South Africa celebrates most of the Mexican traditions. Not only that, the school uniform had changed dramatically over the last three years. The girls have to wear long, flowy skirts and tops that have straps. Boys have to wear cotton pants along with a loose tunic. The colours of the school had changed as well.

Instead of the usual grey, yellow and green, the school now wears red, yellow, black and light blue. In fact, this particular high school is probably the only one that celebrates Halloween, or Día de Muertos; the day of the dead.

But, leaving festivities and turning to the supernatural, Akiri stared in mute horror at her two friends. Akuto and Ichibi had been the only two of her nine-man group that pitched up for Akiri's eighteenth. Karo, her younger sister and also a part of the group, locked herself in her room. So who the hell was in Akiri's bed?

"Oh... G'morning Akiri." Akuto frowned, glancing at Ichibi whilst trying to pour hot water into her cup before having to make coffee second. She always loves to be the first, whether in sports or any other daily routine. "What's got you so panic stricken?"

Without noticing it, Akiri's eyes were wide as tennis balls and her face was beet red. Of course, her shock had not been because of seeing Ichibi and Akuto fighting over the kettle; they did that a lot. "Si usted está aquí... Who's in _my_ bed?" She practically squeaked the words out in English. No one knew about another of their group entering the house, so the panicked look on Akiri's face transferred to Ichibi and Akuto; both of them already too shocked to fight over the golden steel kettle.

Slowly, Akuto set the kettle back on its stand and stepped closer to the taller girl with pitch black hair and eyes an unknown hue of light lavender and ice blue. "Akiri," Akuto waved a hand in front of her Spanish learning friend. There was a loud thump from upstairs, causing Akiri, the usually prideful and thickheaded one of the group, to jump a foot into the air and latch onto Akuto's waist. Sighing, Akuto, the usually as she is now, a brave person with no sense of moral because she would occasionally try to blow herself up with a mixture of magnesium and helium, stepped out of the kitchen and inched forward to the stairs, taking caution in case Karo had just woken.

Karo, on the other hand, was fast asleep and rarely aware of anything going on around her; also a reason why she isn't really part of The Crazy People. Anyhow, as soon as Akuto made her way to the stairs, there was a surprised yelp and then Akiri's door burst open. It was strange really…

One second, Akiri's hanging on to Akuto's waist like something bad is going to happen, the next she's standing at the foot of the staircase with… a steel baseball bat? Where the hell did she get that?

Oh that's a mystery even Akuto and Ichibi still want to figure out. But that's not the point!

At the top of the stairs stood a blue behemoth of a man with a face like a shark's. At the bottom of the stairs, Akiri glared at the mutated person, holding a steel club that had red stains on it. That's when Ichibi butted in…

"What the… Akiri? Crees que es real? (Do you think he is real?)" Ichibi stared wide eyed at the blue apparition before turning to her black haired friend.

Akiri rolled her wrist, weighing the steel club before she attacked. "If he's a cosplayer, estarí seguro de que va a morir por irrumpir en mi casa. (You'd be sure that he's going to die for breaking into my house.)" Glaring at the man at the top of the stairs, Akiri suddenly became aware of the aura that the guy gave off, and it was similar to Kisame's in Naruto. But wait… That's just a television show… Justo? (Right?)

Ichibi and Akuto frowned at Akiri's suddenly pale face. "Akiri, are you okay?"

"Hi!"

Knockout, once. Akiri fainted out of pure shock. The blood rushed to her feet, making gravity even worse seeing as all your blood mass would be directed at your feet, causing you to lose balance and fall, probably splitting your head open. If that were the case, the blood had to circulate through your body again before any blood seemed to seep through the wound. In that way, it's much easier to stitch a wound without blood leaking uncontrollably.

Fortunately, Akiri fell backwards in the arms of Ichibi, who gracefully lunged forward, despite her constant cowardice, to look like a goddamned hero. Thank goodness there was a large open space between the stairs and the sofa, because the sofa had hardwood as a frame! "Oh my God! What have we done?! Will Santa Muerte welcome her into her arms and allow her to be happy? Or will she be forgotten and go to the land of the forgotten?" Akuto cried, gripping her face in horror.

"Check for a pulse, estúpido idiota!" Ichibi barked, grabbing Akuto's wrist and slapping a hand across her face, leaving a red mark on her white skin.

"Oh…" Akuto stared down at their probably dead friend before pressing two fingers to Akiri's neck. "Hold up… Yep…" Nodding, Akuto checked for a pulse in Akiri's wrist as well. "Yep, yep, she's definitely alive."

"Gracias a Dios!" Ichibi wailed, hugging Akiri who was in her lap.

Akiri opened her eyes and narrowed them simultaneously. "Bajar de mí, imbécil. (Get off of me, you nitwit.)" She grumbled, pushing free of Ichibi. Her heroic expression turned to depression and the brown and orange haired girl stared down at the floor in shame. Akiri, of course, was their leader, and supposed to save _them_. But then Kisame just had to appear that specific day…

September 04, 09:36 am.

Kisame stared down at the black haired girl who had fainted at his sudden greeting and probably knew him. At that particular moment, Akiri had gotten up from here she had fallen and glared up at him from the bottom of the stares. "Are you a cosplayer?" She enquired.

Of course he was not, because his gills suddenly sucked in air sharply, his whole body racking with confusion at that question. "No, whatever that is, girlie." He grinned, his pointed teeth obviously having no effect on the girl who looked somewhere between seventeen and twenty.

"Prove it," Akiri grunted, again holding the club she had before. Ichibi looked up with horror plastered on her face, Akuto looking equally scared. Indeed, Akiri knew when to sense danger, and Kisame's aura reeked of danger. Grinning, the shark launched himself from the stairs and landed behind Akiri, grabbing both of her arms and pinning them behind her back. Now, Ichibi and Akuto gasped, not because Kisame actually got the upper-hand first, but because he did. This doesn't make sense, right?

Okay, seeing as Kisame had Akiri's arms behind her back, he thought he had won. It's not that simple, sharkie. Instantly, Akiri lurched her foot backwards, colliding it with his knee. Grunting in surprise, Kisame let go of Akiri's arms and pulled…

"Why does he always have that tampon?" Akuto mused, mocking Kisame's prized sword. Before Kisame could retort, however, Akiri clubbed him in the head and sent him dropping to the ground with a large gash over his left eyebrow. Gasping, Ichibi dove behind the couch, praying Akiri didn't decide to lob her head off.

Stepping on Kisame's chest, Akiri lowered herself so she leaned over the now bleeding fish. "Why are you here?" Fuck, Kisame thought. Why does she sound exactly like leader?

Suddenly, Akiri was hoisted away from Kisame by a new person in the room. "Le Gasp!" Akuto stared wide eyed at the guy with black hair tied into a ponytail and lines on his face. "It's Weasel-kun!" Then her expression of surprise turned to anger, mainly because he held Akiri in a rather inappropriate way to the red and white haired woman. "Don't you dare rape her!" She barked.

"Silence!" Itachi roared. "If you don't want her to be injured, you'd better answer some question-." Akiri's fist connected with Itachi's stomach, causing him to drop her.

"Akuto, Hellfire, now!" Akiri barked, moving away from Itachi. Hellfire was a signal to all of Akiri's friends that meant 'get the fuck outta here'. Ichibi jumped up, grabbed Akuto's wrist and dragged her up the stairs to Karo's room, where possible safety was. Akiri returned to Itachi, glancing at Kisame who had just stood up and was snarling at her. "Why are you here?" Fists balled up, Akiri was ready to fight to protect her friends if needed. These two were, of course, S-ranked criminals.

"Where are we?" Itachi grumbled, ignoring her question. He glanced at Kisame, probably notifying him to head upstairs, because the shark grinned and slung his sword over his shoulder.

Mortified that her friends and sister would be harmed, Akiri lunged at Kisame's back, knocking him to the floor. "Don't you fucking dare!" She bellowed, grabbing the big tampon-like sword and jumping back. Her lavender-blue eyes snapped to Itachi, who had one very surprisingly shocked face. "What?" The weasel stared at Akiri in shock for some reason, and when Kisame flipped over, he too had that same expression on his face.

"Kisame…"

"Yes… I see it…"

"See what?" Akiri narrowed her eyes at the two anime characters that mysteriously made their way into the normal world. Okay not that normal, because they just happened to appear in the house of Akiri Drackon, leader of Los Locos. "What the hell are you guys talking abou- oh." She finally remembered grabbing Samehada from Kisame.

Now, we all know that Kisame's the only one in the anime that can wield the sword, basically because he's the only one who can handle it, or even pick it up.

But, now, the Akatsuki seem to have faced a new problem/ danger; Akiri can hold the sword without having any problems. "Well fuck me with a cactus and call me a bruja (witch)..." She said before a wicked grin spread across her face. Looking back at the two, Akiri rolled the sword over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes.

"How the hell...?" Kisame coked his head to the side, still staring wide eyed at Akiri.

Snorting, the black haired girl pointed behind them, next to the stairs where a large sword was displayed. Black smoke seemed to swirl and melt with the rest on the blade; the hilt intricately detailed with a skull and dragons, seeming to breathe the smoke into the blade. "Meet 'Humo Diablo'," Akiri said proudly, jutting a hip out to place her hand on it. "My deceased father's maker; the sword by which he died," Then her expression turned mischievous. "And the same sword I used to lob the head off of the man who killed my father."

Itachi turned back to the girl, eyes narrowed. "It's not very impressive."

Kisame snorted, but froze in mid snort when the sword jumped free of its holder and in to Akiri's other hand. "Now, unless you want to face Humo Diablo and be sent to the land of the forgotten, you'd better start telling me why the hell you're here." She ordered, setting Samehada down on the floor next to the couch.

Narrowing his eyes again, Itachi glanced at the sword in Akiri's hand, which strangely enough had lavender smoke swirling in the blade. "We don't know why we're here. All we know is that there was a blue portal and that we were sucked in." He explained. Akiri leaned on the couch, Humo Diablo resting at her side, ready to be swung in a huge arc.

"Just the two of you, or did some of your comrades fall in as well?" _Si está mintiendo, no habría problemas, y yo tendría que evitar ser asesinados… (If he's lying, there would be some problems and I would have to avoid being killed…)_ Akiri thought fearful of the full wrath of the Akatsuki. But it was nothing compared to the full wrath of Los Locos, being the craziest gang of all time. They were the school's most popular and the official protectors in case something just popped up, like Itachi and Kisame.

Itachi glanced at Kisame who was trying to find a way to get to Samehada before Akiri saw him. "As far as I know, only Kisame and I fell into the hole on our way back from our previous mission." The weasel said, keeping his face as emotionless as possible. Unfortunately, Akiri knew better that him, so she snorted and called to Akuto and Ichibi who popped onto the top of the stairs in a few seconds.

"Sí?" Ichibi stared warily at Kisame and Itachi.

"Los Locos tienen que reunir, llame al resto del grupo. (Los Locos have to gather, call the rest of the group.)" Akiri said; eyes still on Itachi in case he decided to attack. However, because they were speaking Spanish, the Akatsuki didn't quite register what Akiri was saying. Ichibi and Akuto responded with a 'sí' and slid down the stair railing to get to the telephone.

Kisame stared in confusion at Akiri, curiously enough, noticing that she wore a red blouse and shorts. "What the hell was that?" He questioned, failing at his attempt to steal Samehada back as Akiri turned her attention to him.

Her voice was something between sweet honey and bitter charcoal. "You're trespassing on the territory of the Los Locos, and as leader, I have summoned my amigos."

"Hola, Momo you have to get your culo (ass) over at Akiri's house. Tell amigos Luna, Sebastian, Umbra y (and) Wolfey así (as well)." Akuto barked into the receiver, making it sound as if someone's dying. There was a screech of 'we'll be right there' before Akuto slammed the telephone back on its holster and turned with her hands on her hips, grinning wickedly. "Oooh, me amigos, you're about to get one helluva ass whoopin', Luna loves weasel shit like there's no tomorrow, right Ichibi."

Grinning, Ichibi patted the red and white haired girl's shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen. Immediately, the two were in each other's faces, fighting about the kettle again. This time, Ichibi had the kettle in hand. Akiri turned back to the two Akatsuki before shrugging and kicking Kisame's sword back towards him. She then sauntered around to the couch and seated herself, the sword miraculously having put its self back where it was. "In any case, seeing as those two blockheads are fighting again, please seat yourselves." Akiri motioned to Itachi and Kisame to sit down on a couch or something. It wasn't long before the front door; unable to break from its hinges seeing as the door is indestructible, burst open to reveal five more unknown people.

"Akiri~ my beloved!" A young man with blonde and rather shaggy hair sang, running into the living room, to be stopped in his tracks by a girl, looking like a wolf with black hair and purple highlights, donning bright green eyes and real wolf ears thanks to a very successful experiment of Akuto's. She tripped the young male and rushed forward, diving Akiri off of the couch. "Mi amor!" The guy cried again, his blue eyes sparkling before three more pairs of feet trampled him.

"Enough!" Akiri barked, literally throwing the wolf-girl off of her and standing up. All persons froze, except the two Akatsuki who stared in mute horror at the whole insane asylum. *cough* Once all was calm, Akiri ordered the group of people including Ichibi and Akuto wearing a smug look, to stand in a line. The women completely overpowered the men in this group. She started her explanation by pointing at Itachi and Kisame. "We have some unexpected visitors from another world."

A girl with silvery blonde hair and purple eyes squealed when she saw Itachi, but refrained from glomping him when Akiri glared at her. The leader, Akiri, then addressed each in turn, giving them specific orders. First, she turned to the love struck blonde man, who was gawping at her breasts. "Sebastian, get your arse upstairs and wake Karo." She then turned to the only other male in the group who had as black hair as she did and dark blue eyes. "Umbra, start finding some information about inter-dimensional travel in the books in the library, don't let anyone see you sneaking into the restricted section."

"Right," Umbra turned his attention away from Akiri, who turned to the girl who looked like a wolf. Wolfey, as easily guessed, had to help both Ichibi and Akuto tie Kisame up. Akiri ordered Momo, a pink and purple haired girl with blue eyes to find a suitable room to stick the Akatsuki in for the time being. The leader then turned to the girl with silver-blonde hair, almost a whole head shorter than the group leader. Luna was smiling like a crazy person, knowing exactly what she had to do.

"Sic," Akiri said, pointing a finger at Itachi and stepping out of the way in time for Luna to soar through the air and almost rip Itachi's head off. "And will somebody please grab me a glass of alcohol!"

"What the hell?" Kisame struggled to get three very aggressive and rather strong girls off of him. He panicked when Wolfey sank canine like teeth into his blue skin to numb his arms into submission. Sebastian, the lover-boy, ran downstairs and into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of alcohol for Akiri. Once the two Akatsuki were tied up and unable to move, Akiri sat down in what looked to be a throne. However, the 'throne' was a mere single couch that probably would make another member of the Akatsuki go insane.

Umbra left to head to the town's library, very skilled in what he did best, sneaking. Akuto, Ichibi and Wolfey ran upstairs to bicker about which room was theirs, because the house had at least ten rooms. Over exaggerating? Nope. Akiri Drackon happily inherited her mother and father's mansion at the age of fifteen.

Soon, after Akiri sat down in the 'throne' chair, Sebastian bounded from the kitchen and handed her a small glass filled with sherry before standing behind the couch and glaring menacingly at Itachi and Kisame. "Now," Akiri said, taking a sip of sherry and turning to Itachi. "When do your comrades arrive?"

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THISISAWESOMEANDILOVETOTYPEWITHOUTUSINGANYGRAMMARBECAUSEIMJUSTTHATBIGOFANASSHOLESOYOOUGUYSCANACTUALLYREADTHISSHIT

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 **To think that I'd actually use Spanish in this fanfiction… It's so fucking awesome!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter with Akiri and the Los Locos. Please review and make sure to tell your friends if you've enjoyed reading about a group of lunatics who can speak Spanish, but aren't even near that!**

 **Reviews please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, seeing as I got at least three reviews, I suppose you guys can have chapter two.**

 **I thought this story was going to be slightly boring with all the Spanish lectures I've been giving in the first chapter!**

 **Anyway, sorry for not updating Iron Chainz... someone stole my goddamned memory card that had chapter 15 on it, ready to be posted... now that's gone and I have to rewrite the damned thing. I will, however suggest reading Mad People: Psychopathic Mortal on fictionpress. Do not read it if you are a friend of mine named Jolene, because you have been warned.**

 **Anyway, I hope to see some more reviews for this chapter. Hopefully, this story is more detailed than ever, so please enjoy reading every unknown syllable to you!**

 **Thank you, jojo flamingo, hooligan and cinamonotaku for reviewing on the first chapter, I hope to see more reviews from your side, because apparently this story is, and I quote: "This is crazy man! Nice.", "Holy crap that is too descriptive..." and "AWWWWW A WOLF-GIRL!".**

 **What the hell had that got to do with the flipping thing?!**

 **In any fucking case, school holidays are coming up, so I will try and write as much and as fast as I can, I'll even try and update Iron Chainz if I see the time and patience for it... I will not be able to post any chapters or write during Final Exams, because it's going to suck me dry like a vacuum on a hot summer's day.**

 **Enjoy this chapter and please, please review, or no one gets to know what happens next because** _ **you**_ **didn't wanna review. Don't be a dick to everyone, please.**

 **...**

 **Disclaimer: how the hell am I supposed to own a story that isn't mine!?**

 **Warning: language, Violence, Nudity (Though not in this chappie; sorry perverts! Hey, I can't talk! I'm just a big a pervert!), Super badassness!**

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THISISAWESOMEANDILOVETOTYPEWITHOUTUSINGANYGRAMMARBECAUSEIMJUSTTHATBIGOFANASSHOLESOYOOUGUYSCANACTUALLYREADTHISSHIT

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As thought, Akiri proudly projected her chest forward, one leg crossed over the other whilst she sipped on the sherry that Sebastian had given her. Itachi glared at the black haired girl, occasionally glancing at Kisame who was scowling in disgust at the bite marks on his arms. It was as if this whole group was mad!

...

Oh, right.

...

The leader of Los Locos suddenly froze, apt at staring behind the two Akatsuki. When Itachi turned to see what had gotten Akiri to pale, he noticed one big ass spider; and already, a plan formed in his head. Sebastian also noted his beloved leader's paled face and the spider. Before Itachi could move to even try and capture the spider to use against Akiri, because she showed mortal fear towards spiders, Sebastian used a can of spray and a lighter to incinerate the creature.

Horror finally left Akiri's face; she sighed in relief and sipped her beverage again. Nodding at Sebastian, who in turn grinned at Itachi before returning to Akiri's side. But, that was not the situation. Itachi and Kisame both knew they could use the ever usual fear of spiders against Akiri at anytime, but they were tied up at present.

Not even a few seconds later, Akiri heard Momo's scream echoing through the halls of the mansion. As if possessed by a demon, Akiri blundered forwards; Humo Diablo already in hand, but before she could reach the second step, someone stood at the top of the stairs, holding Momo hostage with a scythe to her throat. "Well fuck me, no fucking wonder your fucking chakra signatures disappeared." It was Hidan. Akiri could tell they were in a pickle, because Humo Diablo could only kill mortal creatures. Hidan whistled and licked his lips, staring at Akiri in appraisal. "Who's the hot bitch?"

"Akiri!" Sebastian was next to her in a second, glaring up at the silver haired bastard.

"Move, Sebastian." Akiri growled, a plan forming in her head. With Ichibi, Akuto, Sebastian and her on the lower level of the house, Karo was probably the only one up there that could help the other three. But Karo was out of the house; Akiri had forgotten that her sister had left the previous night. Narrowing her eyes, Akiri centred her attention on Hidan, looking for a weakness. Well, there's only one...

But Hidan suddenly laughed, causing Akiri to stare at him in confusion. "Oh, are you going to fuck me up?"

Another laugh came from behind Hidan, and Deidara stepped into view. "Well, the other two are tied up, un." Shit. Akiri glared at them and thought of the only way to get them out of the situation...

Stick her underwear on her head with pencils up her nose and act as if she had suddenly gone loopey.

It would seem that the whole Akatsuki have arrived, undoubtedly oblivious to the capabilities of Los Locos... Soon after Deidara appeared, there was a grunt and someone being thrown into both Hidan and Deidara. Momo slipped free, grinning and sidestepped as Sasori hit the two morons. Kisame stared in horror at their now unconscious saviours.

At the top of the stairs, Wolfey cracked her knuckles, grinning. Soon, every one of Los Locos was grinning wickedly. Why?

Oh, Luna and Wolfey managed to free themselves and tie Pein and Konan up using Kakuzu's tentacles on the three of them before Wolfey grabbed and punched Sasori. Afterwards, she threw him to the side and knocked Deidara and Hidan unconscious as they fell down the stairs. Itachi stared wide eyed as Luna, Momo and Wolfey dragged the other three who were tied up down the stairs. Ichibi and Akuto tied the unconscious three together and soon, all Akatsuki were tied and seated. All except one...

"Zetsu's stuck in the basement." Akiri yawned, stretching her limbs behind her before smiling at Pein. "He can't get out because of the traps I've set."

"Way to go, boss!" Akuto and Sebastian called, but were silenced by a hand. Akiri clicked her fingers, ordering the six people of her group in an orderly line.

Before speaking, Akiri evaluated the Akatsuki, making quick decisions. "Akuto, get Karo on the line, muy junto (immediately), Wolfey, sniff out Umbra and bring him back." Keeping her eyes on the Akatsuki, she ordered Luna to grab some of the hidden weapons in the lounge and the rest of them to keep an eye on the intruders.

With their hands bound behind their backs in a very uncomfortable and painful manner, the Akatsuki couldn't form any hand signs to do jutsu's. Man, you'd guess that the Akatsuki were smarter than that! But El Los Locos have a few very, _very_ dark secrets indeed. Akiri retrieved her glass of alcohol and sat down in her seat again, displaying Humo Diablo proudly.

Without another word, Wolfey disappeared out of the house to find Umbra; Akuto sauntered over to the phone and dialled Karo's cell phone, hoping that the girl would pick up. "Who the hell are you people?" Pein questioned, hoping that his intimidating aura did in fact do as it was supposed to do. It didn't work on Akiri; no wait, it worked on none of them except the Akatsuki. Indeed, these people were not normal.

Gulping the last of the matured sherry, Akiri set the empty cup on the table next to her before looking straight at Pein. "Sebastian, get me another one, would you?" Her voice was calm, and her eyes remained on the orange haired pierced guy, intimidating him more than anything else. Her lavender eyes seemed to bore into his soul. Dignified, Sebastian grabbed the glass and danced off to the kitchen. "As for your question, knicker-box; you're dealing with El Los Locos, the trespassers of glory and obliterators of sanity." Akiri said, holding a hand out just in time as Sebastian stepped into the lounge, handing her the glass.

Kisame did his best not to snigger, but failed as Ichibi grinned maliciously and slammed a fist into the side of his forehead. "What's so funny, abomination? As a matter of fact," She glanced at Akiri who was waiting for her best insult to spill. "You are the mutated version of an abomination-bastard with several hundred versions of fish urine, mixed well and served shaken; not stirred, with a dash of fake-ass, lily livered bones." Ah, that hit the spot. Kisame's eyes seemed to bulge out of his head with each word Ichibi spoke. Akiri's grin widened, waiting to see what Kisame would look like after a round of Ichibi's; her guess was right after all.

Kakuzu, Pein, Konan and Itachi stared in mute horror at the slightly orange haired girl's verbal abuse towards Kisame. The shark, however, didn't take the insults too lightly and gulped audibly, trying so suppress a sob. Akiri burst out laughing, handing Sebastian Humo Diablo whilst slapping her thigh. Itachi noticed something...

When Sebastian grabbed hold of the sword, instead of the smoke turning black, the smoke swirled into a bright red. So there _is_ something about the sword... and Itachi would find out what.

But that's left for later, seeing as Pein's eyes widened by Akiri's sudden outburst of raucous laughter. "Well done! Bravo, Ichibi!" She laughed, appraising the girl with fire in her eyes. After calming down, she continued to sip at her drink and wait for Akuto to finally get through.

It was no use, as the phone kept ringing. "Dammit! Akiri, your sister is a bitch!" She bellowed, tossing the telephone back on its holster before throwing her hands up in the air and cocking a hip out.

"Karo is probably out missioning for some godforsaken reason," The leader said, downing the alcohol in her glass. "Besides, she has to head back here afterwards, or else Wolfey will have the utmost pleasure of sniffing her out and dragging her arse back with her teeth."

Horrified, the Akatsuki who were awake gawped at the way Akiri had spoken about her sister. Trying to distract themselves from Akiri and her wonderfully dangerous eyes, the intruders studied their surroundings.

The lounge was large, containing several chairs to sit on. But it wasn't just a lounge; the whole room was a rectangle, divided in two. On the other end of the room stood several shelves filled with books and very impressive art pieces. One set had caught Konan's eye; a pair of dragons, sculpted from onyx and moonstone; one dragon black and the other a brilliant white, both fighting the other. The dragons had been carved so intricately into one another, as if the stones had merged over some chemical reaction, to look like the dragons are forming a yin and yang symbol.

On other various surfaces were other very similar statues, carved from various materials. Each had a unique creature representing them, but to Konan, the dragons took the prize as they were mounted on a shelf inside of a glass cabinet. The walls of the room were a homey wood colour, and after further inspection by Pein, were really plastered on with wood in different patterns. Kakuzu noticed a large portrait of a woman he had never seen before, mounted over a mantelpiece carved from the darkest form of marble ever. Looking closer, he noticed a plaque reading 'Santa Muerte'; most likely the artist of the spectacular woman wearing a long red dress and looking extremely full of party life, wearing a sombrero with candles and skulls on it. The woman's face was painted like a skull with a lot of fancy decoration.

Kisame noticed the floor as he stared down. In the lounge was a thick black carpet and the rest of the floor in the room was white tile. _Pretty neatly planned out..._ the shark thought. The kitchen connected to the lounge like an open planned room, however separated by a slight wall and blue tiling on the walls. The stairs were made out of a very dark wood, adding bright contrast to the walls and red leather seating. The throne that Akiri sat upon was black and had dark marble-like wood framing it. The other couches were velvet green and had wood framing.

Kakuzu considered this house for a few moments, thinking of how much they would make if he sold it. A glare from Akiri made him lose his thoughts, because his eyes sure as hell had dollar signs in them! "Admiring my mother and father's mansion I inherited?" Was the portrait of that woman her mother? They don't look alike... Kakuzu concluded and let slide his thought of selling the house.

Meanwhile, poor Zetsu couldn't escape from the basement no matter how hard he tried. It was as if there was an immovable barrier surrounding the room. The plant hybrid couldn't morph the fuck out of there, so he'd either have to wait for help, or he'd die there. Probably the latter, seeing as Akiri completely forgot about the plant. What a careless bitchy bitch she is...

But we go back to the lounge where the rest of the Akatsuki have been tied up and were being grinned at by six mad people. Kisame willed himself to not cry out in frustration with being tied up; what the hell were those bonds made out of? Because they sure as hell couldn't break it; not even Kakuzu's tentacles would move! Akiri sneered at their inconvenience, causing Pein to suddenly burst out in frustration. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? I AM GOD, FOR FUCK SAKES!"

Saaaiilence...

Kriek-kriek...

Akiri raised an eyebrow, staring at Pein who glared back at her with promising malice. "I'm waiting for Wolfey and Umbra to return so that I have a much better chance of keeping you guys in order." She said nonchalantly, handing Sebastian the empty glass to refill. Even the author cannot remember when the glass was filled last, but it's going quickly, seeing as the bottle of sherry had only half left after that morning!

Los Locos, now I haven't said this yet, are all aged between 18 and 23.

Where to begin?

Oh...

Akiri, with her long, black hair and lavender eyes, was 21. She has a knack for drinking whenever she is angry, happy or just plain feeling like it. Ichibi is 19, the most heroic of them all, even though she is shy around new people (which we haven't seen yet because she knows the Akatsuki) and has a very bad case of potty-mouth and sarcastic remarks. Akuto is 20, a very discreet optimist and obviously, as seen before, a scientist. She is the reason why Wolfey has ears and her own hair looks like a checkers packet. Momo, with her pink hair, is 20 as well, sharing a similar problem as Wolfey, however not similar at all. She is obsessed with cats and loves to act like one. What the Akatsuki failed to notice, was the pink, fluffy cat tail attached to the girl's spine; thanks to Akuto and her clever experiments. Luna is 20 and a half, quite short, but very strong. She is very witty and can outsmart the smartest geek in a convention; how else do you think she and Wolfey escaped the bonds and tied the Akatsuki up?

Now we get to the boys...

Sebastian is 22, is completely in love with Akiri, who never acknowledges that... He also has a strange habit of suddenly touching things including Akiri's hair and shoulders. The leader does not pay attention to this. Umbra is the oldest, aged 23. He is a very skilled assassin and likes to avoid eye contact with Akiri, fearing that she would tear him limb from limb (this is because he tried to kill Momo at some point in the previous years).

Unfortunately, Karo, Akiri's younger sister, aged 18 and the youngest at that, hasn't been spotted or mentioned to be seen yet. She was on a mission for some godforsaken reason and obviously does this for the sake of Los Locos. Karo is, well... She is just as terrifying as her sister; known to bully people if they stare for too long or cause some kind of shit. At that present time, she was successfully infiltrating a very large building to find some very serious documents and burn them. Those documents were probably about Los Locos...

In any case, after Akiri spoke and handed Sebastian her glass, Pein frowned, wondering why in the world they would have to be kept in order; the ones who captured them were psycho! Akuto had something to say as well, so she glanced at Akiri before receiving the graceful nod of approval. "By the way, tiddle-dick," The red and white haired scientific bitch said, leaning over the back of the couch to see Pein's face. "If you're a 'god'," She motioned quotation marks with her hands. "Why the hell did you get captured?" That was indeed a very good question.

Pein gaped at Akuto, now wondering why her one eye was green and the other blue as well as why the hell she was acting like suck a nosy bitch towards him. Him! The leader of the feared fucking Akatsuki! This could not be happening!

The front door burst open, causing all heads to turn. Umbra stormed in, gripping his arm that was bleeding non-stop; followed by Wolfey who was grinning and had blood dripping from her mouth. Ignoring everyone and everything, the black haired male stomped upstairs to bandage his arm. Wolfey walked up to Akiri, grinning. Narrowing her eyes, Akiri did something that stunned Pein and caused his skin to crawl. Instantly, Akiri had Wolfey across her lap and started bringing a belt that appeared out of nowhere down on the wolf girl's bare bottom. How the hell did her pants get pulled down that fast?! Wolfey roared in pain after three lashes, tears already starting to build in her eyes. "WHAT. THE. HELL. DID. I. TEACH. YOU?!" Akiri barked, the belt hitting Wolfey's already red buttocks with each word. One last slap and Akiri shoved the now crying in pain girl off of her lap, the belt disappearing again.

Wolfey sniffed. "Don't bite friends till they bleed..."

"And why the hell did you bite Umbra like that?" Akiri questioned, snatching the glass of alcohol away from Sebastian's shaky hands. The blonde haired male kept his eyes on the floor, but all of the Akatsuki who were awake could see his panicked expression. Pein gawped at the punishment Akiri had just handed out, unable to say anything.

Sniffing again, Wolfey stared at Akiri, too afraid to look down from the looks of it. "He punched me..." Los Locos were not only notorious for their insanity, but the way their leader handle misbehaviour. Akiri had drilled it into their heads that they must at all times look at her when receiving punishment; this was so that Akiri could see if they were lying, and Wolfey was definitely not lying. Immediately, Akiri stood up and patted Wolfey's head before glaring at the rest of them in the room, telling them to stay exactly as they were until she returned.

Up the stairs she went, very slowly. So slowly, in fact, that Kisame noticed how her buttocks moved beneath the short denim that she wore. Soon, she dissapeared from the top of the stairs, creeping down the hallway with such a dark aura that everyone would shit themselves. Umbra didn't notice this, seeing as he's practically the newest of the Los Locos. He was asking for trouble when he punched Wolfey in her stomach when she came to find him with direct orders from Akiri to return at once. Not even Pein, who was the leader of the most dreaded gang in the Narutoverse, could pull such a punishment on the members of his own organization.

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THISISAWESOMEANDILOVETOTYPEWITHOUTUSINGANYGRAMMARBECAUSEIMJUSTTHATBIGOFANASSHOLESOYOOUGUYSCANACTUALLYREADTHISSHIT

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 **I hope you enjoyed, now go! Review and make sure to suggest to friends!**

 **Thank you all for the reviews so far.**

 **So, what did you guys think about the second chapter? Chilling, isn't it?**

 **First off, why would Wolfey be punished first? Because she had the blood on her face, clearly visible to Akiri, who only asks questions after punishment. Secondly, what punishment would be heading in the direction of Umbra? If you can guess correctly, then the third chapter will be up instantly, of not, well, you'll have to wait till I get three more reviews.**

 **Review or else I will have to ask my sister to kill you, and its bad enough asking her to do something in the first place! Oh, and Akiri might just be waiting to spank your arse with a belt if you don't review.**


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